Let’s hope no one was holding their breath after my last post because that was quite a long wait. I’m sorry for that. I hadn’t intended to take a hiatus. In fact, I had intended to write more! Instead, I fell into a funk for a couple of weeks and did not feel like posting anything.
I’ve also decided to revisit Downton Abbey. I stopped watching it a couple of years ago after the tragic death of Sybil. I knew there’d be more tragic death to go through, but I decided I was already feeling rather low so might as well indulge myself in misery.
My evenings have mainly consisted of sitting on the couch and drawing while Downton plays in the background. Clearly, this leaves me with no time to write.
Dave recently began working second shift, which means that he is not home in the evenings. I don’t think this has been the cause of my mellow emotions lately, but it probably doesn’t help. I’m sure it is a combination of the darkness of winter and the fact that I am on the edge of a virtual precipice. (So dramatic…)
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I feel like I am ready for a change. I can’t yet share what that change will be, only that I am not entirely happy where I am right now. I can either steel myself to carry on and soldier through the current situation, or I can make the effort to change the thing that is really dragging me down lately. And once I’ve made that change I will tell you all about it.
As much as I am always talking about change and embracing change and blah blah blah, there is a great part of me that also wants to just dive under the covers and avoid anything that is going to be difficult. I find that the more I push myself out of my comfort zone, the easier it gets to try new things… but conversely, when I let myself start slipping back into the comfort zone I find it harder to get up and get back out again.
I am ruled so much by my emotions. I guess that was obvious when I said I didn’t write for the past two weeks because I didn’t feel like it.
I’ve read that people who are dedicated to becoming writers make time to write every single day, whether they feel like it or not. Same as artists who paint or draw every day, whether or not they’re in the right mood.
Pretty much the only thing I do every day regardless of my mood is basic bodily functions and important grooming tasks such as teeth brushing. Everything else is entirely subject to whether I feel like it or not. I’m not sure if that’s anything to be proud of.
In other news, last night my coworkers and I went to a paint bar in West Hartford. It was supposed to be a group outing/team building sort of moment, but half our group bailed. Whatever!
In case you live under a rock, a paint bar is what it sounds like. A painting studio with a bar. Artists lead the group in making identical copies of a painting that has already been created by someone else. Wine, beer and snacks are available.
Being a trained artist, I was a bit skeptical going into this, though I confess I was looking forward to blowing my teammates out of the water with my mad painting skills. However, since the two people who I had intended to impress ended up not even showing up (painting is for losers!), that was a moot point.
The painting we were to do was this winter scene with a snowman standing on it’s head, with stick legs popping out of his bottom ball. Ok, it is kind of cute, though probably not something I would have painted if given another option.
I’ll admit that I did have fun doing it, I mean, of course I did. Even though it wasn’t original art, I still enjoyed smearing the paint around and everything. The paint was really low quality, like, crayola or something, so it didn’t behave as nicely as I would have liked. But I guess I can’t have expected them to break out the professional stuff.
In the end I decided that it was fun, especially for people who don’t have an art background. You get to create a painting in two hours while you drink wine and hang out with your friends. The instructors were nice and helpful. Obviously if painting is really your thing, you have to put your ego on the back burner and just know that you will not be creating a masterpiece.
Painting was never really my favorite creative outlet. But doing it last night reminded me that I *do* enjoy it, when I give myself the time. Maybe I will try my hand at it again this year. The last time I painted anything was in 2009, when my boss at the time commissioned me to paint his beloved dog, Bully.
So in the end, perhaps it is good that I don’t always feel like doing one thing or another – I certainly don’t have time to write, draw, watch Downton Abbey and paint all in one day!