When my brother Kris was little and our mom would ask him why he wasn’t doing something that she had asked him to do, his response was, “I can’t want to!”
It became a joke in our family because even though it may sound like improper grammar, it actually makes sense. When you’re apathetic about something, it makes it very hard to summon the energy to deal with it.
I’ve had many a moment in my life that I just couldn’t want to do a thing. The majority of my freshman year of high school, for example. Or the year I worked at an insurance company.
Lately I’m feeling a lot of can’t want to. I actually had a steering-wheel-pounding moment this morning because I was feeling so frustrated about everything that’s going on that I feel like I have no control over. It was a gorgeous autumn morning, the yellow and orange leaves were glowing brightly in the early morning sun. My heart ached because I wanted so badly to stop the car and immerse myself in the forest. (Forest bathing– it’s a thing!)
Of course I could just quit my job and go live in the woods. That would certainly free up a lot of my time. But I am trying to be a grown up here. I’m trying. But sometimes I just can’t want to be a responsible adult. I can’t want to!
On the bright side, I am not so busy that I couldn’t take my forest bathing lunch break. And this weekend I will get to visit with some very special people.
I’ll try and pick up again with my life influences posts next week. I’ve got a few partly written already!