Surgery is looming at end of this week like an iceberg on the horizon. (Dramatic, right?)
Scheduling surgery as an adult is a weird thing for me. I had so many surgeries as a kid that I just grew accustomed to being told when the next one was and steeling myself for the inevitable. But as an adult, I’m the one in the driver’s seat. I’m the one who looked at the calendar and said “Friday, November 22nd would work for me! Sign me up!”
I don’t know if anyone ever really wants to have surgery. Even if you know that the results of the surgery will make your life better, you still have to get over the hump that is the surgery itself. Even if you’ve had 20+ surgeries before, there is still a sense of dread at the prospect of putting on a skimpy hospital gown and allowing yourself to be knocked unconscious so a roomful of strangers can poke, prod and cut you open. And I’m pretty sure they peek under your hospital gown and have a giggle while you’re unaware.
The upcoming surgery isn’t a HUGE deal, really. It is an outpatient procedure, which means I don’t have to stay in the hospital overnight. The procedure in having is a revised radical mastoidectomy.
I had the same surgery done last year but recently learned that there is still some disease in the ear which needs to be removed. There two things about this type of surgery that make me nervous: One, the behind the ear incision. If you’ll recall in my last post, I remember all too well how it felt when that got infected and failed to heal properly. Fortunately, last year it healed fine, so I know it can be done. The second worry (this should probably my rank higher than the first worry) is that the facial nerve runs through the surgical site. There is a risk that it could be damaged and leave me looking like a stroke victim. I’ll admit, I am a little vain about my looks. I’ve learned to love my appearance and can see the beauty in my imperfections. But I really do not want to add facial paralysis to my list of issues. Really. Fortunately they use a nerve monitor, which somehow attaches to my face and can sense if the nerve is being damaged. I’m not sure how it works, only that my face was sore from it and I had a bruise for a few days afterward.
Last year I was so elated to be through the surgery that I took “drugged up” selfies and posted one on Facebook. I’ve made a mental note not to repeat that this year.
Despite having gone through this last year, I am not exactly eager to do it all again but I am going to because it’s the right choice.
This week ahead is very busy, but I expect that even if I fail to post anything else this week, I will have plenty of time to catch up next week. I have a graphically detailed ear-suctioning post in the works which I’m sure you’re all looking forward to. Stay tuned!
4 thoughts on “Full Speed Ahead”
I’ll text you some shameless cat selfies instead.
That’ll cheer me up! 🙂
I will be thinking of you during your surgery….I feel ya….that childhood anxiety doesn’t ever get any better
Thanks Terri! xx